Gold has never been in my sights,
It is something I have never required, nor desired.
I have never needed the smooth, round edges of gold.
I have needed glass.
Fractured and never again a unified, solid pane.
Gold gives me no ambition,
Gold does not make me want to be better.
Gold lets me get away with being lazy; complacent.
Gold eventually bends and moulds itself to a new body,
One that should never have been mine.
Gold lets me continue to live within myself.
Never questions, never asks, just accepts,
Never feels the need to dive deeper.
I have always required the transparency of glass.
But, before now, I haven’t been brave enough to accept it.
Glass has the ability to break me.
Glass is so fragile itself, smashed with the smallest point.
But, it also has unwavering strength.
It just depends on when the sun is shining or when the fog has come down.
Seeping into every crack, remaining unrelenting and rarely allowing for change.
Never allowing for happiness.
Glass cuts, it is never skin deep, nor surface deep.
Every time a shard of this glass etches it’s way into the canals of my body, my mind and my thoughts.
It reaches my deepest, most darkest fears.
It accesses my highest hopes, that have remained secrets. Until now.
Glass is sometimes strong,
It is sometimes brittle.
But it is forever transparent.
It never casts a shadow over me, simply shielded me from hurt.
I should want that shield forever.
But how can I keep this barrier?
It fills me with emotions I have never experienced.
It fills me with emotions I have never had to fully deal with.
It has been the only thing that has ever truly made me feel alive.
The smooth, comforting feeling of gold will never satisfy me.
When the rawness of glass gets to experience the entirety of me,
Everything that I have to offer; to show.
It has been the only time that I was truly able to be honest with myself.
-@little_speaks
littlespeaks.com 